My experience and lessons living with sciatica
This is the first part of a movement and injury series, sharing with you the psychological and physical journey I have experienced with a severe herniated disc and sciatica injury. Please note that this is from my personal experience living with this injury for about seven years. #1 — ALWAYS listen to your own body and your own circumstances FIRST and your healthcare professionals❤
The Backstory
I did not see myself as an athlete or someone who could be even considered athletic until fairly recently. I saw myself as someone who was just not good at anything athletic. This thought turned out to be far from the truth as I have learned (mostly in my 20’s). The first time I remember being involved in a movement practice was ballet and jazz dance classes in the first grade. I also was on a soccer team as a kid, I had a stint with horse back riding, gymnastics, figure skating (my mom made me try a lot of different things). I consciously chose my first movement practice on my accord at the age of 12 and it is not an overly exciting or glamorous activity — I loved to use the ski machine at our home. Cardio.
I mainly did it because I thought exercise was good for me — and I was self- conscious of my weight at the time as so many of us can be. I quickly learned that what I was good at was endurance. I couldn’t do it the fastest, but I could do it the longest. It came naturally.
Fast forward to my early 20’s and my now movement of choice at the time was still the weight training/cardio type activity, but when I was in University I wanted to try some free yoga classes that they had at our gym to see what all the hype was about at the time. I quickly fell in love with the mental and physical effects of yoga, proceeded to move to yoga as my ONLY form of activity for about 6 years and went on to do a Yoga Teacher Training course at my local studio.
Note the word *only* form of activity for 6 years. That was my first major lesson following what happened.
The Injury
I am naturally a very flexible person — and the over flexibility led to a serious injury.
Too many forward folds for too many years, too many not bending my knees because I thought flexibility was king, too many trying to “look a certain way” rather than actually deeply feeling what was happening to my body.
I herniated three discs in my spine at the age of 23 from consistent yoga (4–5 days a week) and experienced severe sciatica, nerve pain and inflammation. Some of this nerve damage is still with me today in the form of numbness and making constant adaptations to how I move. Most importantly, I have since learned that variety in movement and incorporating many different kinds of movement practices really works for me.
During the actual flare up state I remember being frustrated seeing on YouTube all of these videos with exercises to do to help “heal and relieve the pain of sciatica”.
Perhaps it is obvious and it works for some people- but I rarely heard the discretion made “do these exercises after a flare-up stage”. And so there I was, in SO much pain I could not breathe or sleep, but trying to do these videos that were supposed to help. Even trying to see a professional during a flare up I thought was supposed to help (I have seen Chiropractors and Osteopaths, Acupuncturist, Massage Therapist, Cryotherapy etc..) But it did not help the pain *during the flare up*. I can articulate now what did help and at what stage — and hopefully this is reassuring and helpful to some of you.
Just as an introduction, I would like to describe to you the pain cycle for a herniated disc/sciatica injury and I will elaborate more on these stages in future posts.
The stages of the pain cycle:
*Stage 1 — The Dull Ache: [Duration is 1–2 weeks up to a few months] Something is off — There is a dull pain in my lower back. It is not disruptive, it is just there. It is noticeable, but I can totally live with it. During this stage you may experience the psychological effects akin to denial or if you are anything like me, the inclination to push through it and continue to challenge yourself in your movement activities.
Stage 2 — the Flare Up: [Duration is 1–2 weeks, up to 3 months] This stage is the most difficult one to move through, psychologically as well as physically. After ignoring the signals from Stage 1, now this is all systems go — your body has revved up the inflammation in an attempt to protect you from the injury (why does it have to hurt so much in the process though — is one of life’s greatest mysteries…) Hurt is also an understatement. This stage can come on after sitting at work all day (oops I cannot get up now). Or can come on suddenly from lifting a house plant or a water bottle (exaggerating, but seriously something so small can trigger it too).
You are now fully cancelled- normal activity is on hold.
This is the stage when your mind is in high resistance of the pain too, even causing some depression/anxiety due to the loss of normal activity. You may also encounter some all or nothing thinking, or catastrophizing. Will this ever end? Am I going to be like this forever? What did I do to myself?
Some lingering denial — I can handle this, this is fine (until your partner insists you go to the doctor, because you are in fact, not fine, limping around your apartment in the shape of a contorted human zig zag and unable to carry a hand bag or sit to use the washroom). The physical symptoms are at their worst and attempts to help yourself through recommended movement/strengthening does NOT seem to work because you can’t move and any movement including breathing can be agonizing. This is the stage of lost sleep and sanity and really being present with yourself, your body and your pain. I will write a follow up post to this about what to do during the flare up stage because that is its own special and lovely process…
*Stage 3 — The Levelling Out: [Duration is 1–6 months] The worst is over. Phew. Inflammation is down, doctors have been seen, sleep is starting to be had. You can walk without assistance and sit up to use the washroom now. There is still lingering pain, but like stage 1, it is totally manageable. You do not jump back into your heavy lifting at this stage or morning sprints. You have a renewed relationship with your body. A deeper listening — and you take it day by day. NOW you can watch those YouTube videos with all those recommended exercises and try some out. You may even be consistently seeing a professional physiotherapist/chiropractor or osteopath.
*Stage 4: — The Integration: [Duration is — Seems to lasts forever, Happily Ever After to the Married Couple] In the aftermath of experiencing a traumatic physical injury, you may find that you do not go back to how you once moved your body. And if you do, it is different now. More mindful. Challenging, but with way better awareness of what your limits are. You no longer feel guilty (or have an opportunity now not to feel guilty) or lack in yourself if you cannot run as long, or lift as heavy or do 3 sets of 1000 jumping jacks that you see your inspiring fitness infiuencer do. You adjust. Make way slower progressions. You set up boundaries for exercises you will not do, no matter how fancy they look (I have tried every variation of a “safe” deadlift — that exercise is just a no for me). You also come out stronger and wiser and with movement practices that are for you. I would also like to mention this stage is mainly pain free, with the occasional brushes with the dull ache of Stage 1 (although now you are supposed to know better and hopefully end the cycle- all in theory of course) :)
For the record, it is possible to go through something so painful and one day be free from its grips. The amount of times I have heard people tell me I would need surgery one day or “I am so sorry you are so young” statements and “Let me lift that basket for you or water jug — you cannot do it because of your back” as if it was a death sentence, was astonishing and very limiting to me. I have used many different tools and approaches (from physical, to psychological, dietary and even spiritual approaches) not mentioned in this particular post — and I can happily say the majority of my days are very pain free and still full of movement and ability to lift things, go on long hikes, dance, bike ride etc… Do not ever lose hope if you are going through this and most importantly, listen to your own body primarily and not the broken record concerns of others sentencing you to a limited existence.
It is okay to draw in inspiration and information from others, but take and leave what resonates with you and what does not, and if this resonates with you, stay tuned for my future posts in this series as I go through the Stages 1–4 in more detail.
Lots of love,
Tanyea
