We often hear the phrase “follow what brings you joy”. Sounds simple enough, though I am sure most us know that this can be challenging to consistently do. I would like to break down for you what this saying actually means from my perspective, and how I began practicing this in my life (note the word practice*). Finally — why is it so important to do so?
What is following your joy?
Put yourself in this situation: Your work week has ended and you are planning to head to the airport to go on an adventure. Perhaps you are going with friends, or meeting friends. Maybe you are heading to a concert or a festival in another country — or a camping trip or honeymoon. Adventure is in the air. Feel that in your body for a second — just imagine it. Now how do you feel?
To me, it feels like a shedding of the burdens of life and an opportunity to experience something new, to show up new, to be surrounded by beauty and connection whether to people or to the environment. Feels pretty good eh?
Now , If you think back to a few days ago, getting ready for the trip may have felt exciting, but a little different. More responsibilities may come into play. Making sure the house is clean or last minute things are taken care of. Running around and finding time in between your work schedule to do everything to prepare. Insert other demands you may have.
In other words, who wakes up in the morning feeling like they are about to go on vacation when there is a laundry list of mundane things to do with no end in sight? Not many — but I’d like to propose that it is possible to feel that way every day.
And I know what you may be saying — where would we find the contrast if every day felt like vacation time? Those feelings are reserved for those times. On the other hand, I believe we do not have to exist in a state of anxiety and mundane suffering waiting for those times to arrive. We can invite those feelings in. Even if they are just on a continuum, we can move our feeling states into that direction on a more consistent basis.
Following your joy is choosing in each moment to align yourself with the “going on vacation feeling” described above. The fun part is practicing this even in the world of the mundane.
How do I do this?
- Connect to your heart — I believe everyone has within them something that just lights them up when they do it. It could be dancing, writing, singing, cooking, socializing, organizing an event, attending events, creating something with your hands, designing and cleaning your space, working out, walking dogs, tending to plants… Just connect to what those things are for you — Proclaim them to yourself as your happy places.
Then you may have the world of responsibilities — things you do not mind doing or may even resist doing, but they do not light you up in the same way.
How can we integrate the two?
When we are cleaning our apartment or doing some mundane grocery shopping — connect it to something that your heart loves.
I am going grocery shopping because I love to be able to cook healthy food at home made with love, that is exciting to me.
I love doing the laundry because my clothes are special to me and I have chosen the items that make me feel my best.
Zone in on these little thoughts — so when you are washing your dishes, you feel aligned and happy. If this is difficult to do (not all of us value the same things) then I suggest using the mundane as an opportunity to listen to a podcast, or to inspiring music and maybe dance while you do it. Use the mundane as a chance to dream of what you do love (perhaps of your next vacation). This will surely make these moments that may bring us stress or anxiety more aligned with who we want to be and feel. And remember your proclamations that you can repeat to yourself during these mundane moments (I am doing these chores in hesitation, however I am an amazing x, y or z and I so look forward to doing that soon!)
2. Use your feelings as a compass- You scheduled Saturday as your day to do your high intensity work-out and your art project — things that technically should bring you joy. Yet, you wake up and feel heavy, sore or under the weather emotionally or physically. Readjust your sails. Do not push through something that was scheduled if it does not feel good to your body. Using the strategy in #1 is not going to work and may aggravate yourself further. So if these things can wait another day, close your eyes. Breathe and think about what lights you up. #1 could be as simple as a coffee or tea #2 could be a walk into nature, or even zoning out and watching a T.V. show. Give yourself the permission to let go of control of the day and catch up. In some circumstances, pushing yourself through and getting that work out done will make you feel productive and proud in the end. But not in every circumstance — sometimes all your body wanted was a chance to lounge around and recharge so that you can connect to joy with better resources soon enough. If you push yourself through your tasks because “I am supposed to love doing this!” often enough, you will begin to resent the things that once lit you up inside. Trust yourself that you will get back on track (because you will :) ) and this day of rest or lighter activities is part of that track.
It is important on these days to use your feelings as a compass. What would feel good for you today? Honour your body, let go and move toward what that is.
3. Clear out what is holding you back — Sometimes, no matter what we do, it can feel nearly impossible in certain moments to feel anything but anxiety, stress, boredom or apathy. Simply “choosing what makes you feel good” will add to this mix of emotions. Since they have not been cleared or released, going for that bike ride or drawing in your notebook will not feel as good as it could feel because you have other guests taking up space in your world. In this circumstance, focus on your healing to move into greater joy.
Healing usually means moving through the resistance and forgiving yourself along the way to get you to a place where you can have a good cry, go for a walk or a run, anything that will pass the time it takes to heal the stressors within you. If these stressors are reoccurring (these negative emotional states can be a become a bit of a cycle) dedicate some time each day to developing your awareness in regard to your cycles so that you can move through them more gracefully and not feel so lost within in them (this could look like meditation/journalling/therapy/online research). The quicker you can move through these states, the easier it will be to walk the path of joy once more :)
Why is this important?
It is very important for some to follow their joy. I’ve noticed that some people are perfectly content and happy doing what is required of them to make money for their family and follow “traditional” paths. That is totally okay and can be very stabilizing and fulfilling! However, I am speaking to the ones who work their day jobs mainly for the money but feel that deep down there are other realms to express and be in that they are not honouring. For these types of people, consistently snuffing down what you love to do in the name of emotions such as fear and anxiety, disbelief and doubt….can lead to physical and emotional health concerns. Sometimes these unfulfilled desires can show up as anxiety, depression, inflammation, mysterious body aches and pains, chronic crying etc…. Not that it is a bad thing to experience negative emotion, but chronic experiences of this are just not a sustainable and thriving environment for you to be in.
See my follow up post to this one….describing how to move from chronic states of anxiety and emotional pain and into the person you know you can be.
