take the pressure off of yourself on this journey of life
Something that has been coming up for me the last few months are these concepts in regard to internal resistance, personality splitting and learning to honour the many aspects within ourselves.
Spending so much time alone the past year and in less social settings than normal has really taught me to see and feel and become aware of the energetic bubble that is my space. The head that I live in. The common thoughts, behaviours and feelings that take up the space of my personal internal landscape. What is mine and what did I pick up from others? These sorts of internal analysis have occurred a lot and have brought about an increased awareness of who I am (At least, for right now. In this moment).
What I learned is that there may be an aspect of me that is creative, enjoys activities that bring pleasure. That desire to work hard and to create an offering of who I am. I can get caught up in the highs of this — from the next online purchase to complete my home decor to the make-up look I feel inspired to create and share. It feels so good to do these things, and allowing myself to go there has been a big step toward honouring what brings me pleasure in life. This part also loves the idea of making a to-do list, keeping track of things in lists and in an organized way. Using deadlines to ensure outcomes, etc.
There is also another aspect that is very much in the present moment. That loves to just go with the flow of life. It doesn’t like to get caught up future creating TOO much. It is the one that feels the pain of every day existence. The one that is in tune with how my body feels any given day — that tells me that following the schedule and to-do list I created does not sound like a good idea. “I don’t feel like doing that today” or “if you do that today, you won’t have the the time or money to do that other thing you wanted to do tomorrow”. The one who puts the breaks on momentum. The one who just wants to celebrate the now.
So, how do we get anywhere when one aspect of ourselves is a big, pleasurable fuck yes to life and is in an ecstatic hurry to get there and the other aspect is a little slower, more cautious and just more present?
It is a balance of learning how to dance with your internal landscapes, first being aware of how powerful your own self-talk to yourself actually is. (I am starting to realize in a tangible way that it is more powerful than listening to what anyone else has to say) and secondly, learning to create a safe space in your own head is an art form. I don’t want to spend time with someone who is always rushing me to complete something, and I also don’t want to spend time in a space with someone who is just too content and doesn’t have that zest to create.
Most importantly though, and beyond this, is the over-arching space of it all. Is there pressure to “figure this balance out”? Is that a big deal, in itself? Yes the two parts are there, yes it is easy to see them. Why do you feel the urgency to force them to get along?
Pressure answers: Because time is a gift and if we do not realign as fast we can, then we will experience less, accomplish less, offer less. There is so much variety and combination of the universe to see, touch,and exist in. If you do not have internal harmony, you will get to where you need to go, but it will be a painful and slower process to get there. That is why it is important to to decide the type of home you want in your own head. In your own energy.
So this is the urgency, but can we make this urgent without the pressure? Without the scolding? Without the life or death? With the trust that it is going to work out naturally? Give it the space it needs to breathe. Do not force or contort yourself into an outcome. Take the pressure off of yourself and ironically that is when the magic, the answers, the way forward has the space to come in to bring you the clarity of which you seek.
